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The Prosecution: Beth

At times I'm recorded while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it’s like a jumpscare.

My best friend of 10 years, Marielle, labels herself the “content queen”. It’s fun for a short while, but it strains our friendship.

Being highly outgoing, she feels the need to document everything constantly. When we eat out, she says, “The camera eats first,” and snaps pictures with the flash on, which makes me cringe. I don’t like it when other people see her performing for the camera – I experience vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but she is trying to be. She makes video blogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her styling career. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. Sometimes I'm captured while dining, or simply tagging along. I’ll see myself on her Instagram afterwards, and it comes like a jumpscare: I’ll have bare-faced, making a strange expression or be captured while eating. It feels invasive.

She also anticipates that I will to record her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I'm in conversation to another person, or we're simply hanging out in the street. I feel like our friendship has turned into me being her free crew. She could easily hire someone if she wanted professional shots. When I brought up my discomfort about this arrangement, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to several brand events, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I spend assisting her create material.

I appreciate that Marielle has supported me with my design career, but I resist our friendship to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don’t feel she's insincere or dishonest, but sometimes I feel that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

Her directive is, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and record me laughing with another. It’s so silly. I need her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy being with her, but I also desire to enjoy it without being filmed, edited, or posted for an audience. I am not a prop for her Instagram.

The Other Side: The Content Creator's View

I hope my friend to see that the content we make together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about shooting content. It's more than a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Creating videos and sharing my life online allows me to show my personality and connect with people in novel forms.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to make money from your interests. I admire people on TikTok who execute that style of informal, self-made content creation.

Creating content is my interpretation of living actively: observing the details, posting them with an audience that appreciates the art behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uneasy. Taking her to professional gatherings was my method of sharing opportunities, giving her a opportunity to experience exclusive moments that could help her professional path too. That isn't leverage, it’s just being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to such functions even if she didn’t help me, but I desire her to see the benefits the work we create together can achieve: an opening. I know not all people likes being filmed, but sometimes spontaneity is what makes content authentic. Appearing on video occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my companion. I would delete anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anyone to be my personal filmmaker, but friends support one another in minor capacities. My assumption was filming a clip now and then would be enjoyable for her. Innovation thrives in collaboration, and having my friend around makes endeavors lively and pleasurable. I don't compel her to participate in anything, and I’d never intentionally embarrass her. But filming together occasionally is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I value Beth’s friendship profoundly and want to avoid content creation to come between us. I’m willing to compromise: like requesting permission before recording, and steering clear of shots that might make her uncomfortable.

This is not about control, it's regarding sharing my world while still considering hers. Obviously making content is not a substitute for real connection: it's merely part of how I live my life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

The Jury: Public Sentiment

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and her friend when they are out together?

There’s nothing more uncomfortable than having a friend film you. I get that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to collaborate with. Given the uncertain future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn't imply everyone around her is content. She needs to respect Beth’s privacy.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love making content and displaying her life online, but it isn't for everybody. It was kind she has helped Beth’s career, but she needs to hear what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so cling to that and make sure it’s the priority in your relationship. Create some authentic memories, where genuine feelings are stored, not digital scrapbooks. In fact, public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

Marielle appears to be not fully engaged nor genuine when she’s with Beth – she’s working. Both seem unsure as to what’s reasonable. The answer lies not in trying to change one another, but in each establishing defined boundaries around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable middle ground.
Barbara, 71

Now You Be the Judge

Consider this question: has she been over-exposing their friendship?